I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
