are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
