bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
