So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize