i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
