the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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