Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
