I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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