The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
