got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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