My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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