On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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