Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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