I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
