Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
