I just pynch a tree in the face
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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