apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
