Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
