he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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