What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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