I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
