what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
