All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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