When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
