apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
