Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
