Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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