hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
His hands were made for my vagina.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
