she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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