We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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