Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
