Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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