So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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