I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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