So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
