So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
