Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
