he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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