I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
