yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
