It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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