nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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