i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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