my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
