people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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