My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
