You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Never joke about your clitoris.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize