i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
