Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize