Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
