i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
