Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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