Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
