What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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