your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
