hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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