this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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