remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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