you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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