i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just found puke in my bra..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
