I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
