so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
