Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
love makes seman taste better
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
